Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Whatever games are played with us, we must play no games with ourselves.”
Did you know that: when you break a cookie in half, the calories leak out? And, when you cut a single serving of cake crooked, you can “even it up” and eat the trimmings without increasing the serving size? Of course, we know better! However, these are the kinds of games we play with ourselves.
Naturally, just as we tend to love sweets, we seek and enjoy other pleasurable experiences. In a society that promotes instant credit, instant breakfast, and overnight success, even saying the word “patience” tastes like vinegar!
Recently, my 15-year-old daughter asked me to lend her some money to enjoy a night of fun with her friends. I produced the money upon her agreement to “work it off—soon.” The inevitable day came that she promised to come straight home from school to do her job. However, more fun presented itself; she obtained permission from her dad, (who was unaware of our “deal”), to go to a sporting event instead. When I got wind of it, I promptly called her cell phone and we had a few words. From the tone of her voice, I imagined she was rolling her eyes. “M-o-m,” she said, without the least sign of endearment, “I only told you I would unless something else better came along!”
“You know a deal’s a deal,” I snapped back. “Don’t try and fool me!”
Ah, if we could only learn to tell ourselves, “Don’t fool me!”
Can you truthfully say you are free of porn while you’re still addicted to drugs, alcohol, or while you “just have sex a lot”? How many ways can we slice the pie before we’ve eaten every crumb? How many “mumbled apologies” can we give to ourselves and others, before we lose our credibility?
It’s an oldie, but goodie, from our friend, William Shakespeare:
“This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.” (or woman, or boss, or child, etc.)
If you’re saying, “Recovery from addiction works for other people, but not for me. I’ve tried so many times, but I can’t stop”—Take heart! Your magnificent brain that learns by repetition—(that’s how habits/addictions are formed!)—can learn how to form new, healthy habits. Imagine how nice it will be to say: “I am happy—deep down, all around, and on the surface happy.”
Recovery is not only possible, but probable! To learn more about the brain science behind pornography addiction visit the Candeo website here.
Dr. Sondra Shepherd
Life Skills Coach